Strangely, the Pool House has no pool. Unless you count the super-hot hydrotherapy pool with its array of jets designed to revitalise and rejuvenate. We’d count that, because it’s rather lovely, alongside a whole host of other agreeable features that sit snugly among the Malvern Hills.
Those features include the River Severn, which snakes through the grounds, just asking to be plundered for dace and pike. It’s all very tranquil and English, and the lawns that pan away to the horizon suggest cricket or croquet, possibly with a dash or jug of fruit-laden Pimm’s.
You can live the high life here as Lord and Lady of the manor. If you don’t fancy rustling up a roast, we can even supply the servants. Well, chefs. Lie back on the Chesterfields, chillax, think of England, top up your glass. Life should always be like this.
Set the hydrotherapy pool to boil wash, rinse thoroughly, and relax and rejuvenate as your skin wrinkles and the flutes bubble. With a lockable door, it’s all super-safe for toddlers, too. Of course, you might want to turn the key just to lock out the world and all of its cares.
Beyond the tall glass windows, three acres of parkland pan away to the big blue horizon. In summer, there’s cricket and croquet to be played, and there’s a trampoline for kids of all ages.
The rolling grounds suggest a picnic in the parklands on the terrace table and chairs just up from the Severn that babbles its way to the Bristol Channel. Or maybe break out the barbie, sizzle some steaks and drink in the bucolic beauty.
From the lawns to the ornamental pond in the courtyard, the outside space here is where tranquility lives. Be prepared for your peace to be disturbed, but only by the hoot of an owl at night or the wings of a finch by day.
There’s room here to be a family again, with space to be apart as well. Throw a log on the lounge fire, dig into the DVD collection and pop some popcorn as you host a family film night. Shoot some pool in the games room. Waive the kids’ bedtimes and make some memories with cards or charades.
When darkness descends or the clouds turn against you, there are board games galore, a piano just waiting for you to tickle its ivories, a library to plunder for books and plenty hidey-holes in which to read them. The Pool House caters for every need.
So you’ve plenty activities if the clouds part, but it might be the atmosphere you’ll love most. Try not feeling special in a hallway the size of a house, or in a drawing room and lounge with swagged curtains and elegant chairs that invite you to curl up with a classic from the library.
Floors are polished oak, fireplaces could accommodate Santa and all his little helpers, and when afternoon tea appears in china cups with hunks of lemon cake, all is right in this most English of worlds.
The kitchen dates from another century, but the facilities come from another realm. You can cook up a storm here on the range, plus the halogen hob, the double oven, microwave and inegrated grill. Chop and chat around the island that’s right next to the dining table, so everything is suitably sociable.
When you’re done, there’s no need to get your hands dirty – just load up the two dishwashers and you’re good to go – for something more interesting. Eating al-fresco? The barbie awaits your shish kebabs and steaks next to the rolling River Severn. Break out the bubbly on the terrace and toast the rolling Malvern Hills.
Of course, you might prefer the professionals to conjure up some cuisine. Step away from the pans and let our chefs take over. From a one-off celebration to a fully catered holiday, we’re fully at home on the range.
You can eat out in Upton-on-Severn, with the best in fusion, Indian, bistro dining and good old English Sunday roasts. Shimmering in the near distance is a glittering Michelin star at The Butchers Arms in Eldersfield – just over the county border, yet out of this world.
The Pool House sleeps 14 to 16 in six sumptuous bedrooms, with swagged four-posters, Regency furniture and chunky skirting boards reminding you that this is a very special place indeed.
Linen comes as standard. But there’s nothing standard about the size and specification of the bedrooms. On the middle floor, you’ll find the Oak Suite, with its super-kingsize bed. The Blue Suite offers a king size, while the Colonial Suite gives you a good-sized double. There are king-sized beds in the Rose Suite.
On the top floor, there’s a king size, a double-and-single room, and one room with a rollaway bed you can use anywhere. There’s a cot for young families. All four middle-floor rooms come with en-suites and the Oak has a double shower to squabble over. On the top floor, the double has its own bathroom and the other has an en-suite.
The only neighbours are owls, hedgehogs and badgers, so you’ll sleep a deep and undisturbed rustic sleep in soft linen, waking refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to tackle another day exploring the majestic Malverns.